People & Communication
10 pieces · 39 min of reading
How to Actually Listen
Most of what passes for listening is just waiting for your turn to talk. You're not absorbing what the other person is saying — you're scanning it for your next line, your counterpoint, your own story that tops theirs. Everyone can tell the difference, even when they can't name what's missing.
Quick read3 min02Hard Conversations Without the Dread
Most hard conversations get worse in your head than they ever are in reality — and the ones that do go badly usually fail for one of two very specific, avoidable reasons. Both are fixable with a structure, not with more courage.
ReadInteractive5 min03How to Apologize (and Mean It)
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is not an apology. It's a sentence engineered to sound like one while assigning the other person's feelings back to them, as if the problem is their reaction rather than your action. Most bad apologies fail for a version of this same reason: they're built to end the conversation, not to repair anything.
Quick read3 min04Reading a Room — Status, Tone, and Cues
You've probably heard that 93% of communication is nonverbal — the number gets repeated in leadership seminars and dating advice alike. It's wrong, and worth debunking before anything else in this piece, because the real story is more useful than the myth.
Quick read4 min05How to Disagree Well
Most disagreements online, and plenty offline, never actually touch the point in dispute. Someone calls the other person an idiot, or picks apart their tone, or contradicts them without saying why — and everyone involved walks away feeling like they won, having refuted nothing. There's a real hierarchy to how disagreement is done, and most of it happens near the bottom.
Quick read3 min06How to Make Friends as an Adult
At school, friends seemed to just happen. As an adult they don't, and it's not because something is wrong with you. Friendship runs on hours together, and adult life quietly stops handing them out.
Quick readInteractive4 min07How to Take Feedback (and Give It So It Lands)
"Can I give you some feedback?"
Quick read4 min08Boundaries Without Drama
A friend invites you to a party on Saturday. You're exhausted and you'd rather stay home. You say yes anyway, spend the evening checking the time, and go home a bit resentful of someone who did nothing wrong.
Quick read4 min09Small Talk That Isn't Small
On commuter trains and buses, volunteers were handed an odd instruction: talk to the stranger next to you. Another group was told to keep to themselves. Beforehand, a separate set of commuters was asked which journey they thought would be nicer. Most predicted that sitting in peaceful silence would win.
Quick read4 min10Negotiation for Normal People
Two siblings are fighting over the last orange. After a lot of shouting, a parent cuts it in half. One child squeezes their half for juice and throws the peel away. The other grates the peel for a cake and throws the fruit away.
Read5 min